My Soul Waits

I’ve been meditating on the “psalms of ascent” a lot lately (Psalms 120-134) – and these past few days in the prayer room at IHOP, I’ve particularly been parked on Psalms 130 and 131  -  especially Psalm 131:2 “But I have stilled and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me.”

I started pondering what the psalmist meant by “a weaned child with its mother” and it struck me that a child who is weaned is at peace in its mother’s arms.  A nursing baby is often all wiggly and anxious with mom because he or she is thinking about and looking for one thing – food!   A weaned child has been “fed” already and is able to just relax in mom’s presence. 

That painted such a vivid picture for me.  As we mature, we should know that he is always faithful to meet our ongoing needs and there is no need to be all “wiggly and anxious” – in his presence we can simply relax and enjoy him.  Whatever is going on, we can “be still and know he is God.”    So simple and sweet.

As I was meditating on those verses, I started singing them, as I often do, and the next thing I know, it turned into a full blown song.  The words don’t read as well as they sing, but this is more or less what came out of my mouth:

My Soul Waits
I have stilled –
and quieted my soul
Like a weaned child with its mother
I will trust and rest
As I wait for Your best
Seeking Your heart above all others

In a world of commotion
Through a range of emotions
I will wait and be still
I know Your plan is in motion
So I’ll rest in devotion
And I will wait and be still
I will wait and be still

Not in it for thrills –
I only want what’s real
Complete authenticity
Not just what You bring,
But Your face that I seek
In the beauty of simplicity

In a world of commotion
Through a range of emotions
I will wait and be still
I know Your plan is in motion
So I’ll rest in devotion
And I will wait and be still
I will wait and be still

I will wait and be still
Yes, my soul waits
More than those who watch for the dawn
I will wait and be still
Yes, my soul waits
Until Your will is done
My hope is alive in You
My love is alive in You
My faith is alive in You
In You I will always trust
I will wait and be still
Yes, my soul waits
More than those who watch for the dawn

Amen.  Lord, I have stilled and quieted my soul as I wait for You.   ” I wait for the Lord my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.  My soul waits for the Lord more than the watchmen wait for the morning.” – Ps. 130:5-6

 

On Making the Best of Things

I went hiking in Oak Glen this past weekend and had a bit of an object lesson. I have a favorite spot that I like to visit up there that has some really great hiking trails. I had tried to go the weekend before last, but it was on a Saturday in the middle of apple season and as I turned up Oak Glen Road there was a long train of car slowly inching their way up the hill. I decided to redirect. I live close by so I didn’t need to go on a day when half of Southern California seemed to be visiting! I was off work this past Friday so I decided to try again. Since it was a weekday I didn’t think it would be nearly so crowded and I was right – it wasn’t. It was a beautiful day and the short drive was glorious, but when I got to “my” spot – the hiking trails were closed! A group of school children were there for a field trip and they closed the trails to the general public so the kids could use them exclusively. Bummer.

I decided to make the best of it – I was there to hike, so hike I would by golly. There was another area I knew of that had a pretty little picnic area and a few short trails so I headed that way, but it was sort of like psyching up for a black diamond and ending up on a bunny trail. I refused to be detracted from my desire (and very real need) for exercise so I made use of every last inch of trail that was open to me and when it still didn’t feel like I’d gotten much of a workout, actually resorted to criss-crossing the picnic area and exploring every little “off trail” area that didn’t look like it headed straight into a clump of trees or off a cliff! I finally traipsed through a bunch of leaves and little twigs and bushes and wound up in another little meadow area.  There was enough ground for me to cover there that I finally felt like I could say I worked out.  It wasn’t at all what I was hoping for or expecting, but it did meet the need for the moment. 

Once the objective for execise had finally, more or less, been accomplished I started to slow down on the last little leg of the walk to enjoy the beauty of the day.  I started chatting with Jesus and made a remark  that my “hike”  wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but that I did the best I could with it under the circumstances.   I kind of chuckled and realized, spiritually speaking, that was sort of the story of my life – outwardly things have never been what I’ve hoped for or dreamed about, but I’ve always done what I could with the little I had.  I had no sooner  finished my little musings when Jesus decided to interject with a few thoughts of his own.  I wasn’t necessarily expecting him to add to the conversation, but that certainly didn’t stop him.  This is the gist of what he said:

Yes, and I love that about you.  For a long time you’ve taken circumstances that weren’t what you desired and weren’t what you needed and have done the best you could with them. You haven’t given up, even when the doors to where you’ve really wanted to go have remained closed.  You have made the best of what you’ve been given, but I’ve promised you more and those doors won’t remain closed forever.  You’ve been faithful with a little – now trust me for more. 

Okay, cool.  It’s not like I ever thought he didn’t understand the circumstances of my life, sometimes I was just afraid I didn’t understand.  Since things look so differently than I would have hoped, I still have moments, now and again, when I think I must have missed something somewhere along the line.   But his goodness doesn’t  let me stay there for long. 

It’s true, what I have been entrusted with, at least in an outward sense, is small – but to the very best of my limited ability I’ve been faithful with what I’ve been given.  I still have a tendency to look at the visible results as a way of measuring success, but I know heaven flows to a completely different system of measurement.  We are simply called to be faithful with what we have.  And what each of us has is different.  I can’t be faithful with your abilities and circumstances and you can’t be faithful with mine – but we can each make the best of what we do have and trust him to provide what we don’t. 

And I do believe he will provide what I don’t have and that he will open the right doors – right on time.  Not because I’ve done anything to earn it – because he is good.  I’m simply “occupying” with what I have until he gives me more.  I guess he sort of likes that.

Oh, by the way,  when I got back to my car … the gate was open.

So, What’s New?

I’ve been dreading “the question” lately. You know the one. You connect with someone you haven’t talked to for a while and after chit-chatting for a bit and finding out about everything new in their life “the question” inevitably comes.

“So, what’s new with you?”

“Um … nothing really.”

Even if I stop and think real hard the answer is usually pretty much the same. Not much. No, not much at all.

No big breakthrough. No major change in circumstances. No exciting happenings locked in on the calendar. No amazing adventures with God. Basically nothing much to report.

Frankly, it’s become a little awkward. I pretty much think life is supposed to be an adventure. And most of the time mine is – I have a lot of great stories. I am absolutely, firmly, one hundred percent convinced that Jesus is never, ever boring. So life with Him should be exciting – right?

Yes! But the “excitement” of life takes on different forms in different seasons. This has been a quiet season for me. God is always up to good and I choose to believe that in the quietness of my current daily reality, God is preparing me for, and transitioning me into, the next season. The funny thing is even in the stillness of my life at the moment, I’m not bored. Subdued, pondering, preparing and waiting – yes. Bored – no.

I can’t look into His eyes and be bored. When I look at Him I’m fascinated, captivated, renewed, encouraged, stirred, strengthened to wait, and crazy in love. But not bored. Never, ever bored.

I feel this bubbling just beneath the surface in my spirit. I had written a while back about Jesus inviting me to watch the sunset and the sunrise with Him. I feel like right now the sun has set on one season but it hasn’t fully begun to rise on the new season just yet. It’s that quiet right before the dawn of a new day. It’s still dark, so I can’t “see” what’s ahead – let alone tell anyone else about it. But I feel it in my bones. I feel it in my heart. It is new. And it’s good. It’s very, very, good.

So, what’s new with me? Not much … yet. But the sun will rise. A new day will dawn. And I’ll be ready and waiting.

When it does, be sure to ask me again about what’s new…

I suspect I will have something to say.

The Comfort of Simplicity

My brain kicks into overdrive far too often. I have a tendency, at least at times, to think too much. Lately, I have had so much churning around in my mind and heart. After pondering so much for so long, there is so much I want to get out of my head and onto paper. Even more, there is so much I’d like to see accomplished.  I’ve made a brief start to at least half a dozen posts, just to get the ideas out of my head before they collide with ten others or disappear altogether. I have also written substantial portions of at least two or three other posts – but I haven’t finished any of them.  They just got too complicated.

Well, it’s a new day so I’m starting a fresh and un-premeditated post. Leaving the complexities of “over-thinking” behind – at least for today – and returning to the comfort of simplicity.  The irony is that one of the main messages for me in this past season has been that of remaining in a place of simplicity and freedom!  I get the concept – it’s staying there that sometimes proves to be a challenge.

Actually this has been an ongoing theme in my life – lately Jesus has just been taking it deeper. I am learning to navigate the delicate balance between being intentional and focused – and “moving in freedom to the rhythm of heaven” as the subtitle of my blog espouses. I continue to believe that both are not only possible, but necessary.  However, for me, the foundation has to be simplicity.

The simplicity of living, moving and breathing in Him. The simplicity of childlike faith in a good and loving Father. The simplicity of abiding in His presence. The simplicity of just being His.

Jesus was never complicated – He modeled a simple and pure devotion to, and dependence upon, the Father.  However the absence of “complication” did not mean the absence of depth.  Jesus was profoundly deep and said and did things that absolutely confounded the natural man and our natural way of thinking.  He still does.  And that is usually where the problem begins.  We want to figure things out.  Some of us even want to go a step further – we want to figure things out and then explain them to others.  A noble pursuit, perhaps, but often a bit misguided.

We will never “figure God out” – faith always requires an element of mystery – but we have been given the unfathomable privilege of getting to know Him. And as we spend time with Him – just to be with Him – and get to know His heart, we receive more by revelation than we could ever hope to decipher by way of intellect.  It’s the difference between knowing Him through the simple pleasures of relationship and learning more about Him primarily through intellect and instruction.  The latter has no value apart from the former.

So here I am – returning to the solid foundation of simplicity. Letting go of the clutter – knowing it will all work itself out in time.  Sorting through the motives and desires of my heart yet again and coming back to the place of desiring one thing above all – simply being where He is. I am His and He is mine. Today, it is enough. Yes, there is still a lot percolating in my heart, but until “the Spirit of wisdom and revelation” breaths on and untangles those things, I’m going to set them aside for just a while longer.

To be sure, my gaze is fixed steadfastly on the goal.  I will live my life intentionally and on purpose – seeking first His kingdom and His righteousness. I absolutely refuse to let life live me.   But I’m also content and at peace because I’m enveloped in the  wonderfully familiar comfort of simplicity.

And I’m learning to stay there.

Looking Forward to Dessert

I tend to be an all or nothing kind of person.  This has both advantages and disadvantages that also carry over into my relationship with Jesus.  One of the advantages is that I’ve never been lukewarm when it comes to Him.   Once I got just a tiny glimpse  of His beauty and goodness, He got my whole heart and I’ve never looked back.   That’s a good thing!  Where it has been more of a challenge, though, is in the area of my hopes and dreams.  I start out going after something hard, but if I become too discouraged or disinterested, I give up all together.  I haven’t always been able to find a happy medium. 

I don’t think it is ever wrong to put your all into something.  The trick is carrying that kind of passion without getting sidelined or distracted when things don’t work out the way you hope or expect.  It’s taken a while, but I think Jesus is finally teaching me to do just that.

Recently I heard someone paint a great word picture about just that concept.  She likened our dreams and desires to dessert – something wonderful and sweet  and greatly to be desired.  But no matter how appealing dessert is, it will always be, well, dessert.  It’s the cherry on top – not the main event.   You can like it a lot, but you can’t live on it.  Our daily journey with Jesus will always be the main meal.

I get that.  He has been my “main meal” for a long time.   I’ve never gotten caught in the trap of believing that seeking after my dreams – or even waiting on the promises of God - is the same thing as seeking after Him.  It’s not.  I have seen that happen to others and when things don’t work out ”right” they are devastated and become offended with God.  I can live without dessert but I can’t live without the substantial nourishment of daily abiding in Him.  But what I haven’t always believed is that  He wants me to ask for dessert.  Not to seek it above Him, of course, but to enjoy dessert with Him.  So often when I’ve gotten stirred up about one of my dreams or passions, I’ll start out all excited but then things just sort of fizzle out.   If things don’t work out on the first go round or two, it is so easy to conclude that I must have “heard” wrong and He must not really want me to have it.   And if He doesn’t want me to have it, well then I don’t want it either.  Afterall,  it’s not something I “need.”  I have the main meal and that’s what matters- right?  Well, yes…and no.  

Yes, Jesus will always be the  main thing in my life – but I like dessert!  If I had to pick one or the other, the choice is ridiculously obvious.   But does choosing Him, mean I need to sacrifice all of my unfulfilled dreams and desires at the altar?  I don’t think so.  Afterall, who wired me with those desires in the first place?  Can I live and live well without those things – yes – but why should I if I don’t have to!  It has become my personal conviction that Jesus wants us to enjoy a lot more dessert along the journey.   

To be sure, He has given me many sweet tastes already, but there are so many desires still burning in my heart.  I may not get all the dessert I want today or tomorrow and there are some things I probably won’t taste here at all, but I am expecting there to be many wonderful sweet treats in my future.  Yes, I’ll always seek the “meal” first, so I’ know I’ll be well taken care of  and spiritually healthy as I wait - I am incredibly grateful for that daily reality.  He is my sole sufficiency.  But my Bible also says that He is a God who does “exceedingly abundantly above all we could hope or ask.”   That sounds like dessert.

I remember hearing a story some time back about a woman who was dying and she said she wanted to be buried with a fork in her hand.  When asked about it, she recounted that whenever she was at an event  where a meal was served, she was always excited when they told her to keep her fork because it meant something good was still to come – something really substantial.  When she knew she would be leaving this life she wanted that fork in her hand as a statement that there was something really wonderful yet to come.

That is a great statement.  In Christ, we do not live for this life alone.  I am beyond grateful for the  absolute certainty of a fabulous eternity spent in His presence.   But the thing is, I’m living in His presence right now.    Since He doesn’t change … well, I just can’t imagine that He wants us to give up on dessert here and now.   

I’m not going to.  I’ve got spiritual sweet tooth and I’m believing it will be satisfied.  I’m waiting expectantly with my fork in my hand…

And I’m looking foward to dessert.

Kisses of Grace

I don’t remember when I first used the expression “kisses of grace” but it has become a regular part of my vocabulary.  Even better, His “kisses” have become a regular part of my life!

This past weekend was especially filled with sweet kisses. I was away at a retreat in a place that held a lot of spiritual significance for me. On one past visit in particular I had an encounter with Him that became one of those defining moments in life.  Since this weekend had not been something I sought after but rather was something “set up” by God Himself, I wondered what it would hold.  I can tell you what it held – lots and lots of kisses!

What I mean is this – I didn’t have one of those encounters that change everything,  rather I had an avalance of touching moments and reminders that He has already changed everything in my life.  Every time I turned around He was confirming something He had recently spoken to me, or allowing me to experience one of my favorite things with Him, or reminding me of a specific promise, or encouraging me with something I specifically needed to hear, or… on and on and on.  Simple loving things that were filled with meaning - just between the two of us.   In general He continually made the sweetnees of His love and presence known by reminding me how intricately His heart and touch have become woven into the fabric of my life.   So special.  So sweet.  So intimate and precious. 

Don’t get me wrong – I love the “big” moments that change everything.  I fully expect more of those in my life – and soon.  But this weekend I realized that I’ve come to treasure the daily intimacy of deeply sharing every part of my life with Him even more.   I’m spoiled rotten and I know it!  But I also know He likes it  – and so do I.

As I was pondering this topic, I wrote a little ditty to try to capture the essence these kisses of grace.  Don’t think I really got it, but this is what I wrote:

When you kiss me with grace
You shine the light of Your face
On my hungry and waiting heart

You shower me with love
Blessings abound from above
Each day an amazing new start

Your mercy flows from heaven
Your favor freely given
In daily gifts both large and small

Simple signs of Your affection
Each one sheer perfection
From a God who delights to give all

He does delight to give all.  And I for one, want to lay hold of absolutely everything He desires to give.  Whether that is a life changing encounter with Him … or a simple, sweet kiss of His grace.

The Beginning of Wisdom

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.”    Years ago those words lept off the page of my Bible and exploded in my heart.  God was in hot pursuit of my heart – my whole heart – and intuitively I knew how much my life would change if I gave Him what He was after.  Frankly, I was scared to death, but it was a different kind of “fear” than anything I had experienced before.  My eyes were being opened to the reality that  God was…well … God.  Yet He wanted me.

I’d been a believer of sorts since I was a kid, but this was different.  I was searching the pages of my Bible for answers to explain what was happening to me.  I ran across this verse and I knew I had found my answer.  What I was feeling wasn’t foolish or crazy – quite the contrary –  it was the beginning of true wisdom.

You can accept Jesus as Savior and never come to the beginning of wisdom.  Many people get their ticket to heaven and pretty much stop there.  They may even do lots of stuff for Him, but they never come close enough to truly know Him – and He will never force anyone to come closer.  It’s sort of like the children of Israel sending Moses up the mountain for them – they were quite content to worship from a nice safe distance.  They were afraid, all right, but it was the wrong kind of fear.  Rather than being in  awe and amazement that a holy and powerful  God was inviting them into relationship, they were afraid of Him because they misunderstood who He was and what He was after.  That’s not the fear of the Lord – and it most certainly doesn’t lead to wisdom.   Jesus is the personification of wisdom and anything that leads away from intimacy with Him is not terribly wise.

The fear of the Lord is not the fear of getting into trouble with God.  Yes, He is God.  Yes, He is holy.  Yes, He can do what He pleases, but what pleases Him most is that we know and share His heart.  When you recognize who He is -  that He is holy and sovereign, all powerful and all knowing, uncreated and unchanging, that He is God almighty and He has no equal – yet dare to believe that His longing and burning desire is for restored intimacy with fallen man, it does something inside you.   Instead of fearing His “wrath” - you love and adore Him so much that your only real fear is of hurting Him.  Personally, I think that is the fear of the Lord.

Yep, the fear of Lord is the beginning of wisdom.  The beginning – the foundation.  It is a journey that, thankfully,  doesn’t stop there – it starts there.  Because once you taste a little “wisdom”  you forever thirst for more!

Watching the Sunset…and the Sunrise

Much of the Church has been in a tremendous season of transition and my life is no exception. The circumstances have been as unique as the individuals involved, but the effect of the season has been the same – there is a much needed shift coming.

Some have been in really tight spots has they’ve weathered this season – sort of the “hard pressed on every side” thing - but that hasn’t been the case so much for me.   That  was the place I was in a year or so ago, but I think I got through the “hard labor” part of this particular transition awhile back and lately I’ve been catching my breath in the delivery room just watching and waiting for the right timing of that final push.  I know it’s coming – and very, very soon.   

In Your Eyes

In Your eyes
I see the love that died for me
A burning passion that never has
and never will
fade
Piercing my soul and bringing light
to the darkest corners of my heart
Love that burns through me
Mercy that surrounds me
Joy that fills me
Lost forever in unending pools of life
In Your eyes
I see light that shines brighter than the noonday sun in a cloudless sky
Brighter than the most dazzling of stars on a moonlit night
The brightest galaxy is only a dim reflection of the marvelous light
In Your eyes
I’m loved
I’m cherished
I’m adored
Marked forever as Yours
Held by Your unrelenting gaze
My heart branded by the fire of Your jealous jealousy
Ruined for all lesser loves
Each and every time
I find myself again
lost
In Your eyes

Dreaming Again

Uh-oh. I know the signs. There’s a bubbling up in my spirit, a stirring in my soul, and even butterflies in my tummy. It’s the Breath of Life breathing on dreams that just won’t die. That’s the problem when you dream with God – the living God – dreams don’t ever stay dead for long.

It’s not even like my dreams have changed that much through the years. They’ve just gotten sharper and more focused. And bigger.  

Still Standing

(Warning – this is a long post!)

Last week a friend at work came into my office and shared about an amazing series of teachings that she had recently listened to and  I had a strange reaction. The series was about being a “Soldier for Christ” and she had been so impacted by the content that she thought they would be of great benefit to anyone who took the time to listen. I believed her!  But I also had a strong and immediate sense of aversion in my gut. Basically, I felt like I would rather have my toenails pulled off, slowly, painfully, one by one, than to sit and listen to an entire series of sermons on being a good “soldier” for Christ.   

I Am the Offering

I was sitting in the prayer room at IHOP back in June and was musing on the fact that all I am and all I have is all I have to give.  I was sort of struck by the simple realization that it has to be enough because there just isn’t anything else I can give Him.  Not that I’ve ever had the sense that He wants anything other than my heart, but I have often felt like I have so little to offer Him.  Yet no matter how small my “all” is, it is, in fact, all I have to give.  As I was pondering, I scribbled these words in my journal:

Beautiful Jesus
Sweet, sweet King
Here I am
My life is Yours
I am the offering
All I am is all I have
And that’s what I give to You
May the fragrance of my life
Rise before Your throne
To surround You
And bless You
And fill Your heart with joy
May it be said of me
That I did what I could
That I gave what I had
All I am is all I have
And that’s what I give to You
Beautiful Jesus
Sweet, sweet King
Here I am
My life is Yours
I am the offering

Disclaimer

Until recently, I had not blogged or written much of anything in months and months.  That seemed like the right thing at the time but I am questioning the wisdom of that decision at the moment, since my heart is now bursting.  At this point, I do not know what will come out.  I do not know how it will come out.  I do not know exactly when it will come out.  I just know this – it will come out.  I feel sort of like Jeremiah must have felt when he said he wasn’t going to speak for God any more:  But if I say, “I will not mention him or speak any more in his name,”  his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot  (Jer. 20:9).

So that’s the disclaimer – it’s going to come out.  It may not make any sense.  It may not interest anyone or even be read by anyone.  There may be absolutely no order or rhyme or reason to the things I post.  But I don’t care.  I’m going to do it anyway.  One way or another, is going to come out.   I’m not going to censor myself and I’m not going to try to word things in such a way that the things I share will be more  “acceptable”  to the mainstream or more “profound” to the ‘been there, done that’ crowd.  I’m just going to write.  I’m just going to share the things on my heart no matter how random, wild, weird, or even completely boring and ordinary those things may be. 

Because… I’m weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.

I Am Who I Am

Okay, so here’s the deal – I am who I am.  That may sound like a no-brainer to some, but it has actually taken me a while to figure it out. 

In my case “being who I am” means my life revolves around Jesus.  I want to be with Him, I want to be like Him, I want to talk about Him, and…I want to write about Him.

That’s not a problem for some, but for others in my life it is – which also makes it a problem for me because I care about them and want to be “relateable.”   I want to have more common ground.  I want to have more things to talk about, more to share.  But I am who I am.  

The Things That Don’t Change

There is so much change in the world these days and my life has been no exception.  Especially in recent years it seems nearly everything has, or is changing.  The changes have affected my spiritual life too.  God has completely rewired my “theology” in recent years – or at least what’s left of it!  It was disturbing for a while – I wasn’t sure what to believe.  But it’s kind of funny because all the change has served to bring me back to my roots and to what I know to be true.  It’s brought me back again and again to the things that don’t change.  Whenever I start wondering whose   “version” or interpretation of Christianity to believe, I remember that Jesus never came to start a religion called Christianity – He came to reconcile the world to Himself.   And when I start wondering who to believe with all the differing opinions out there – even amongst those I respect greatly – I choose instead to simply believe Him.   

While I Wait

Jesus I want to be lost in You again

Consumed by Your fiery gaze

Unaware of anything

But who You are

And what You desire

My heart yearns for You

My soul thirsts for You

Everyday and in everything I do

So I’ll wait

And I’ll wait

And I’ll wait again

I’m not going anywhere

I’m Yours and You’re mine – forever

I’m waiting for You to breathe

Waiting for You to speak

Waiting for You to act

I’m waiting for You to breathe life

On all that You’ve spoken

On all that You’ve promised

Waiting for You to do

What only You can do

Waiting for the tree of life

For hope no longer deferred

Waiting for the reality

Of faith becoming sight

So I’ll wait

And while I wait –

Jesus I want to be lost in You again

Consumed by Your fiery gaze

Unaware of anything

But who You are

And what You desire

My heart yearns for You

My soul thirsts for You

Everyday and in everything I do

So I’ll wait

The Fruit of Heaven’s Tears

Back in February, I was in the Alabaster House at Bethel Church in Redding and noticed a picture someone had drawn with the caption “The Fruit of His Tears.”  Honestly, the picture itself didn’t really move me, but that phrase gripped my heart and I started writing.  I wrote this that day, but just ran across it in my journal just recently. Decided to tweak it just a bit and posted it here:

The Fruit of Heaven’s Tears

Through the years Your heart has waited
Ever longing for Your Bride
You’ve watched, You’ve waited, You’ve wept
Ever wooing her to Your side

Hear the unforced rhythms of grace
The harvest time is near
Joy will come in the morning,
The fruit of heaven’s tears

You’ve kept my tears in Your bottle
Each one precious in Your sight
Every moment I’ve allowed
Your heart to beat within mine

I hear the unforced rhythms of grace
And I’ll dance with You through the years
Until joy comes in the morning
The fruit of heaven’s tears

I’ll watch with You, I’ll wait with You
When Your tears flow, mine will too
I’ll love with You, I’ll learn from You
In You, I’ll live and breathe and move
I’ll dance to the beat of Your heart, Lord
Until Your longing is at last fulfilled
Every tribe, every tongue, every nation
Saved, set free and healed
So let Your kingdom come, Lord
Here right now on the earth
Joy will come in the morning
The fruit of heaven’s tears

Listening and Learning

I haven’t had a lot to say lately.  I have been in a season of listening.  Listening and, hopefully, learning.   I’m nowhere near done listening and learning – that needs to be a lifetime pursuit – but I have been sensing that the season is beginning to shift so I just might start tapping the keys of my trusty laptop more regularly.  Might. I got to the point before where I felt like I was writing because it was a habit and was expected rather than because I had something to say.   Well, no one is expecting it now and it certainly hasn’t been a habit for a long time.  In fact there is really no reason whatsoever for me to bother putting a single word in print unless I want to simply express the things swirling around in my heart and mind.    When you take away all the “have to’s” in your life, you start to realize what is really important to you and why.

Hmm…maybe I am starting to learn a thing or two.  We’ll see.

The Golden Ticket

Last week I posted the following status update on my Facebook page: “Cindy wants to say things she shouldn’t – so instead I’m going to take a nap.”  I did take a nap and it helped.  Nothing like a quick little rest on a Sunday afternoon to press the reset button on my attitude!  But even though my attitude - and outlook - were changed, the things that were on my heart and mind were not.

It’s not that what I wanted to say was bad.  It’s just that the way it would have come out in the abbreviated space allowed for a Facebook status update would have probably made it sound worse than what I meant because it is a topic that requires more thought and explanation than that little space provided.  

So what was the comment I wanted to make?  Simply this: “I look forward to the day when I sense less oppression and hopelessness in the church than I do in the grocery store.”